NONDUALITY: A FALLING THAT NEVER SEEMS TO HIT THE GROUND

After the searching lets go, as if a program of some sort ran out, what remains is whatever is going on. The romance of the seeking and the finding, that whole idea, ends. Therefore the singular moment afterwards, without the seeker, continues. Here such a moment has continued for several years. This in itself, when the I as a tool or function within the stillness, amazes me. Nothing in a way has happened. I almost wanted to go back, though this doesn’t seem possible. I never heard or read in the canon of someone wanting to go back. But those books, those teachers, those seminars, darshans and satsangs were all so interesting and magical in their own right. A whole lifestyle was taken away from me when the I stopped one afternoon. And then what? A sort of falling into things, a merging where whatever is seen is what one is. There is not the viewer and the field per se, but just the field. An inability to close the physical eyes for a nap in order to escape, dream, avoid, such like, - another true love that existed prior to this awakening. So the search and the naps, - two things taken away. And what could have been lovelier than books and beloved sleep? Don’t get me wrong, there is sleep, - but it is regular sleep, at night, and now, years later, rarely at any other time. The body became predominant, not the mind, - and it does what it wants when it comes to natural functions like sleep. The eyes will not close if they are not meant to close. And there is this falling, falling, falling. I would have thought that on the contrary there would be an expansive, upward, and widening. The ajna chakra and the crown chakra are upwards. The kundalini usually rises upwards, is experienced that way. Upwards is heaven! But instead it’s like a falling into reality. Into things. A spilling of the eyes and whatever moves out from them, existence I suppose, - back into existence. And I never really landed. The new being, which is the old body but without the superimposition of the seeker, just continues on. There is always the physical existence until it subsides. 

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